Lost and Alone
by merdarkandtwisty
Summary: Spencer has to deal with the fallout of Aaron leaving. something he never though he'd have to do. Spoilers for 12x06 slash.


I don't own Criminal Minds

A/N Spoilers for 12x06 Angst angst and oh more angst.

It had been discussed, every intricate detail. In the end though the best thing for Jack was for Aaron and him to go into Witness protection. Spencer couldn't go with them though. There was on legal basis for it. They weren't married. Peter wasn't after him, Witness protection wouldn't allow it. Even if they would Spencer knew he couldn't leave his mother to never see her again. Never write her another letter.

It was with a broken heart and tears in his eyes, Tears he refused to allow to fall because he wouldn't hurt Jack or Aaron more than they were already hurting that he hugged them both close for one final time.

He held Aaron close. "I'm sorry." Aaron whispered and Spencer knew this would be the last time he'd see the love of his life. "I love you." Aaron whispered.

"I love you too. You can come back when Peter is caught though you know that."

"No I can't. I can't Jack needs to be safe. I may come back as Aaron Hotchner but I can never be with the BAU again I can't put Jack through that. I'll try to come back to you, to Jessica. I promise.

Jessica, Spencer's heart stilled thinking of the blond woman who had already lost her sister, mother and soon to be father and was now losing her nephew. "I'll watch over her." He whispered. "I love you Aaron forever." He kissed him.

The kiss went on forever but not long enough as they clung to each other in one last goodbye. Spencer pulled away and Aaron wiped a tear from his cheek. He kissed Jack's cheek and hugged the boy close.

"We have to leave now." Aaron said with regret.

Spencer just gave a shaky nod and watched the two of them walk out of his life. He knew he couldn't say anything to the team and his heart was shattered laying on the floor. He was lost. So lost. He felt like he'd never find his footing. He stopped at the store picking up a bottle of wine or five and made his way to his apartment. He would have went to Jessica but with her dad there it just wasn't a good idea.

He drowned himself in the wine. He wasn't sure how he was functioning the next day or the next week and then Emily showed up. It was like a stab to his heart. Emily there to take Hotch's place.

The weeks crawled by in tears and nights lost in the haze of alcohol. His bed was to cold without Aaron in it, and he couldn't say anything to the team, those who knew about them didn't say anything just thinking he missed Hotch well he was on Temporary assignment. Emily had no clue and then one day the bottom fell out of it all.

He stood there frozen as Rossi told them what was happening. He hadn't even known that Rossi knew the truth or that Emily knew anything and he knew that everyone was watching him. he refused to look at them. couldn't look at them. See the pity and sadness in their eyes.

So he kept his head down and he got onto the jet and he refused to make eye contact and JJ wanted to reach out to him and Garcia wanted to call him and Rossi Rossi wanted to tell him it was going to be okay even though he knew it wasn't. Tara wanted to hug him and Luke and Emily were just lost.

Emily knew that Spencer didn't do well with change but their was something else going on here. That night as they sat in the hotel room she turned to JJ. "Is Reid okay."

Tears filed JJ's eyes and she tried furiously to blink them away. "No he's not and he never will be." A tear and then another were falling down her face faster and faster she couldn't stop them and then sobs were racking her body.

"JJ I understand that he doesn't do well with Change but what is going on?"

"They were in love together. For years since after you left for London. I can only guess what happened but Spencer's here and Aaron isn't and he's not coming back. Spencer is alone without the love of his life. it's not fair it's just not fair." She pounded her pillow as Emily stared at her trying to wrap her mind around this information.

The case was closed Emily had given her answer and Spencer was headed home to an empty apartment alone forever.

"No my dear baby genius you're coming home with me. I'm making you a home cooked meal and you're going to get some sleep because I see you haven't been and I don't know how I didn't see it. "Oh Baby I'm so sorry." Garcia hugged him close. "Go down to the garage I have to do one thing first the I'll meet you there."

Spencer was to shell shocked he just nodded and followed Penelope's instructions. Penelope watched him go wiping a tear from her eye before turning to the rest of the people in the office. "Okay Emily I'm happy you're here and taking the job really I am but we need to talk."

Emily would admit she was slightly scard of the blond. "What about?"

Penelope glanced over at Aaron's office. "That office."

"What about it?"

"I know as head of the team it's by rights supposed to be yours but I'm begging you pleading with you give it to Spencer. It's all he has left of Aaron. Let him have that. Let him still have Aaron at work even if he can't have him at home please."

"Okay." Emily readily agreed. The office meant nothing to her but he saw that it meant something for Reid to have it. "Okay." She whispered. Her heart breaking for her younger partner.

Penelope coddled him and feed him and held him as he cried. Breaking shattered she tried to hold him together.

The next morning Emily stopped them and pulled Spencer to her hugging him close. "I'm so sorry." She whispered. He just nodded her head as he became confused at her pulling him up the stairs. He took a shaky breath as she pulled him into Aaron's office or he guessed her office now. She stood in front of the desk. Aaron's things still in the room. He stood tall not letting himself break. "Spencer we talked as a team and we agree this office belongs to you. Aaron would want you to have it."

Spencer didn't say anything though he'd admit he was a little bitter that Emily got the Chief job over him. He'd put in more years then her. Stood by this team through thick and thin yet she'd been promoted over his head. He swallowed. "No Emily this is your office. You earned it." He tried not to scoff. He loved Emily he really did but it heart. It stabbed his heart that Hotch hadn't even recommended him for the job.

"No I'll take Morgan's old office." Emily said. "Spencer I'm not taking no for an answer so just accept it." He looked at her before nodding. "Good." She patted his arm and left the office closing the door behind her. He sat in the chair and looked around. It was like he could sense Aaron here.

"Oh Aaron." He whispered closing his eyes and letting himself get lost in memories of the past. "I miss you. I love you. I need you I want you. This isn't fair."

The stillness of the office crowded down on him. he felt at peace for the first time in a long time. or as much piece as he could after losing the love of his life who he very well may never see again.

A/N yeah so that happened. Anyway hope you enjoyed the angst.


End file.
